Pretty Much Every Convenience Store On Cape Cod Was Robbed In The Past Week

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That headline is no joke. There have been 5 robberies this week alone. I was going to post about one of them but then another happened… and another… and so on. That’s when I decided I’d just write about the fact that Convenience stores on Cape Cod are the most dangerous places on earth at this point.

Well that reminded of something I wrote last year so I went back and searched. Turns out I had the exact same thought then, here is what I wrote:

“Forget about crab fisherman in Alaska, convenience store clerk on Cape Cod is officially the most dangerous job in the world. It seems like we have a new armed robbery in the news every day now. They all seem to get caught too, hasn’t anyone told these guys about how easy it is to get away with a bank robbery?

Anyway, we need to do something about this pretty soon or we’ll need to hire armed mercenaries from Halliburton to man our convenience store cash registers. We’ll be forced to go through TSA level screening and a colonoscopy just to get into 7-Eleven. I don’t know about you but I certainly don’t feel like getting the shocker every time I want some Ben and Jerry’s and a Slim Jim.”

I was going to conclude the post with a positive note saying that maybe it was just coincidence that all of these robberies were happening at once. Well, I guess we can put that theory to rest since the same thing was happening last year. The only thing I can think to say now is to tell our readers to just stay the hell out of Cape Cod convenience stores, at this point they are more risky than unprotected sex with a Wareham girl.

P.S. This…

 

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