Yesterday, Hippie unknowingly caused what turned out to be not only a life altering Glitter Ginger conspiracy theory via tweet, but a heated debate with a dude who originally, I thought had a crush on me, but the more I think about it, might actually hate my guts and would 100% beat me with my crutches if given the opportunity.
Okay. Seriously. Like, why the fuck have I never seen a baby seagull? They exist, right? I mean everything is a baby at some point, and I’ve seen my fair share of baby birds since most of my time is spent building forts and salamander hunting in the woods. I began to ponder..
..there’s literally no logical explanation for why we never see baby seagulls other than the fact that they’re robots strategically placed by the government. Think about it: they’re fucking everywhere. No other bird will just walk up to you while mid-bite and grab a bologna sandwich out of your hand. And when they dive bomb? NOBODY is that accurate. They’re fucking programmed trash bird machines sent to Cape Cod to collect information, find terrorists and tip the cops off when druggies steal shit out of summer homes.
I could seriously debate this for days, but that’s not the point. Once I really started thinking about this, I naturally chose a select few to text and bring together in a focus group in order to discuss said theory. One person, in particular, I apparently offended. He not only didn’t provide a theory of his own, but spit a three paragraph text about how he refused to answer because he was convinced I would take his words and make them my own for “likes and comments” on the Glitter Ginger blog.
We’ve known each other for quite some time now. I value your opinion, sometimes more than most, because you could literally give a shit about my feelings. If I look ugly; you will tell me. If I’m being conceited or a diva; you will sure as shit knock me down a few pegs.
That being said; fuck you! Anything I write on here is 100% Glitter Ginger original gold and I would never take credit for something I didn’t think of myself. That’s called plagiarism, pimpin.
When all is said and done, I think you’re mean to me because you’re intimidated by the fact that I can not only take your dickhead banter, but that I can give it back. Also, I’m pretty.
So, Dino, consider this letter an open invitation to not only continue with your asshole comments, dick-ish behavior and overall asshole attitude..but a confirmation that we would probs have the most amazing hate sex ever.
And seriously, have you ever seen a baby seagull?
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Twitter: Hippie - Insane Tony
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