Barnstable Patch’s Six Ways To Battle Cabin Fever – Yup, We Fixed It… Real Cape Style

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In light of this record setting winter Barnstable Patch recently published a list of six ways to battle cabin fever. Not surprisingly it was absolutely terrible so we figured we should fix it up Real Cape style. The grey items in italics are Patch’s and the follow ups in darker font are The Real Cape’s improvement items.

Patch – Frozen Chocolate

What better way to celebrate winter than with frozen chocolate. Freeze candy, make chocolate milk and serve it in a frosty glass mug or make chocolate pudding pops.

TRC – Mudslides

What better way to remind yourself of warmer times than with a classic frozen mudslide? Just know that if you put ice cream in it, or anything but booze and ice for that matter, we’ll have to ask you to head for the nearest exit and get the fuck off our peninsula.

Patch – Baked Alaska

Baked Alaska is more than a clever twist on commonly frozen ice cream cake. Try this recipe or make a modified version with mounds of pound cake, ice cream and roasted marshmallows.

TRC – Jell-O Shots

Jell-O Shots are more than a clever twist on the common children’s treat. They are a statement. If you are doing Jell-O shots then you are officially in it to win it and you don’t care who knows it.

Patch – Snowflake Cookies

Kids love to roll out cookie dough and cut out shapes, so let them loose with snowflake cookie cutters in honor of the storm. Bake them during the party, tie them with a ribbon and send your guests off with a little memento of their pop-up party.

TRC – Weed Brownies

Throw The Wizard of Oz in the DVD player and cue up Dark Side Of The Moon on the MGM lions third roar. Boom, mind blown for 112 minutes. Bonus: add another 43 minutes for baseless blathering about whether or not Pink Floyd did it on purpose. Spoiler: Of course they didn’t you fuckin’ burnouts.

Patch – Paper Snowflake Decorations

One of the simple joys of childhood—cutting out paper snowflakes. Have kids decorate a room in snowflakes of all sizes. String them together to hang across the walls and scatter them on tables. Serve frozen treats in your winter wonderland.

TRC – Asshole

Doubles on Aces, triples on double aces, two’s and red three’s clear. If you are President three times in a row you can make a rule. Tell the Asshole to drink while he’s shuffling or dealing and you are automatic asshole. Everyone must adjust their seats according to where the President is sitting. Those are the Cape Cod rules, abide by them when you are here whether you are a resident or a washashore.

Patch – Freeze Dance

Pump some music and the game’s on! When the music pauses, the dancers must freeze. Move and you’re out. Freeze Dance is a classic and kids of all ages have fun dancing to the beat. Dancing is also a great way to burn some energy.

TRC – Strip Twister

Remember, we are snowed in, eventually the girls will wear down and agree to this. Cherish it because it only happens in snowstorms and brothels.

Patch – Salt Crystal Experiment

Did you know you can grow snow? Let the kids try this experiment under the watchful eyes of an adult and be amazed.

TRC – Bath Salts

When all else fails and hope is lost, it’s time to get fucked up and eat someone’s face.

P.S. Can you get any more out of touch with your audience than being a supposed local Cape Cod website and publishing a list like this with no mention of booze? You have to try very hard to be that irrelevant.

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